Tag Archives: stupid baby names

What’s In A Name?

26 Sep

stupid

So…I’m at the age where everyone is pushing out spawn. Some people my age already have THREE kids. Damn, simmer down. I know there’s not much to do in Bakersfield, but there’s more to do than breed. Play some Canasta or something. I know it’s natural and, if the people aren’t dumb asses, is a good thing; but there is something that has been SUPER annoying to me lately.

I work in Beverly Hills now (la de frickin’ dah) so the world of stupid names has opened up like a blossoming flower…the one that smells like dead people.  I don’t really know what these women are thinking. Are they mad because the babies jacked up their bodies  so they’re taking it out on the kid?  With some of these dumb ass names, these poor kids is going to get their asses beat as soon as they hit pre-school!

carlton

Aslan. If you’re thinking, “Oh God, that kid can’t be named after the fictional lion from ‘The Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe!?!’ Think again. I know of one child with that name. I thought it was a boy….nope.  I’m sure that her parents will tell her she can do whatever she wants to do…think again, not with that name, kid.

Naming children after types of fabric. The only person I could see doing this and getting away with it would be Martha Stewart because she’s super into crafts. Anyone else, NO.

italian

Any Italian name. This one just pisses me off because 99% of these kids are NOT ITALIAN, they’re like….Aryan race looking babies whose last name is Smith. I’m not Chinese, so I wouldn’t name my kid some Chinese name. All these girls are named Bella, that means beautiful. News flash, a LOT of these girls are going to have self-esteem issues when they figure out their name is a lie. Enjoy those therapy bills.

Douche bag names. You know what I’m talking about. The names that were ruined for you because a d-bag you knew growing up had them. Why would you force your child into douche baggery? This category casts a WIDE net in my book. Any name ending with -den, -ton,-lynn, anyone named after an item the parents can NEVER afford, anyone named after a town/country they will never go to and are not from, anyone naming their child after a fucking PRISON!

maggie

What the hell happened to naming your kid after a grandparent? Here’s an example: my Grandmother’s name is Mary. NORMAL. The only jokes about that name refer to the mother of our Lord and Savior…better than being name fun of because you’re named after a porn star. (Mackenzie ,Reily, Brooklyn, Madison…..you know, named after their father’s favorite. Classy!)

I know you can name your kid whatever you want, doesn’t make it right. Also, not all of the names I’ve heard recently are stupid, but if you have a baby and are questioning if this post is directed at you…then yes, it is.

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