Tag Archives: entertainment


4 Mar



Here’s to you…tube!


So….I’ve started a youtube channel called HOLLYWOOD PARTY. I read a lot of books about Old Hollywood, shocker, and I tell you which ones are good and maybe introduce you to some new (old) stars that you might really enjoy. In addition to that, I’ve been writing my book, which is why this blog doesn’t see much action…for now. Please check out the old youtubes, and LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to HOLLYWOOD PARTY.


Use Your Mentality

12 Dec


Chairman of the Board, Frankie, Ol’ Blue Eyes, Sinatra. Today would have been his 97th birthday. Sinatra is a huge chunk of the soundtrack to my life. When I was a little girl there was an ad for beer featuring Frank and my Dad would yell out, “Sinatra,” every time it came on.

Morgan and I would copy Dad and could identify “The Voice”  at a very young age. Apparently Mom’s friends thought it was odd that a four and three-year old knew who Sinatra was. If they could see me now!

Frank even sang my favorite Christmas song. I know my middle name is Noel, but that is one of my least favorite songs ever. Do not sing it to me unless you know all the verses. Actually, don’t sing to me. 

I remember sitting in our backroom at Christmas time, watching the fog roll in over the (then) dirt field and looking for Rudolph’s nose. The nose turned out to be the red flashing light at the oil refinery, but the song echoed really well in our new surround sound speakers. So, when I hear this song, it reminds me of when Christmas was awesome and full of Barbies.


Most people my age don’t like his music because it’s “old and boring.” Ah, yes because my generation is full of lyrical geniuses who produce classics such as this: I beat the Pussy Up/Make it shake, Like a vibrator/Laugh now, I’mma make you cry later/I’mma get deep in it, Tomb Raider/All in the crib, Room Raiders

 Frank’s version goes like this: There’s an oh, such a hungry, yearning, burning feeling inside of me /And its torment won’t be through /Till you let me spend life makin’ love to you /Day and night, night and day.

They are both singing about wanting to have sex. Trust me, Frank got laid more than God and never said anything as crude as the crap men tell me on a daily basis. As a woman, I would much rather have a guy whisper  the eloquent lyrics of Cole Porter in my ear, than hear about him wanting to “beat my pussy up.” Ouch. No thanks, you cad.

People try to imitate him, but it’s not the same. Buble? Nice try. Harry Connick Jr.? Getting better. Connick did the entire soundtrack for ‘When Harry Met Sally’ EXCEPT for the song during the most pivotal scene of the film. You know the one. Every girl hopes and wishes this will happen to them…but it never will, trust me on this. Rob Reiner (the director) said he insisted that scene HAD to have Sinatra. I guess you could say, it had to be him.

See how right Rob was.

While driving with my Dad after a particularly bad break-up (is there any other kind?) he insisted I listen to the instrumental part of this song. Looking back, I think it was bull and he was really trying to get me to listen closely to the lyrics, but the entire song is a treat really and has become one of my favorite Sinatra tunes.  Remember it for your next break up, it might help you out as well.

I will say, this next one is a great song to get a good, angry, cry out to during that same unfortunate event. You know the angry cry, everyone does it, even my cold, black heart has done it at least once.

Nobody could sing a better “F U” song than Frank either.

As in  most of his song, he really builds it up, so the ending is completely satisfying. Not a lot of people can do that and when it’s done well, it makes all the difference. (I know how that sounded, but I’m keeping it. You filthy animals.)

Speaking of effing. This is a great song to listen to when you’re overwhelmed and thinking, “Eff, this.” This song reminds me of my Grandma, who yells, cigarette in hand, at the radio when this comes on, “Get up there, Frank! Yea, boy!”

I don’t expect every one to love Sinatra as much as I do, but celebrate Francis’ birth and give his music a chance. Use your mentality, you might actually like it.

King Mercury

5 Sep

So…today is International Freddie For a Day. It’s basically a day to remember what a complete bad ass Freddie Mercury was and raise awareness for AIDS…even though I’m pretty sure EVERYONE knows about it by now.

Sinatra, Garland, Mercury. Most entertainers I would die to see are, they themselves, dead. Freddie is my favorite rock star, period. Mick Jagger can suck a big one for multiple reasons due to childhood torture tactics by my Mom and the Beatles are totally boring compared to the tasty beats produced from Freddie’s golden tongue.

My love affair with yet another gay man has been going on for years. When I was about ten years old, Cassie’s parents (who, compared to my parents, are kind of hippies) asked what I thought Heaven will be like. I told them that as I come through the clouds, I will hear Queen singing. They frickin’ loved that a ten-year old had that answer and I still believe that. If I don’t get to hear Queen after I’m dead, I’d rather go to Hell because an eternity without Freddie’s amazing pipes would be exactly that anyways.

Rockin’ long, flowing, locks or skin-tight leather and studs, this guy had more swag than any hard-core rapper today. I don’t know of anyone else who had that kind of control over a crowd. Sure Judy Garland could make you feel like she was singing just to you, but Freddie had a way to make the crowd feel like they’re involved in the show. Check out 6:04 of this video of the Live Aid performance, which is arguably his greatest of all time. Or, if you watched the closing ceremony of the summer Olympics, that was a perfect example of his ability to pump up a crowd 20 years after his death!

While he could get people going, Freddie could also sing some of the saddest songs and make you miss things you may never have even experienced in your own life. Some of them even make my cold, black heart feel..what are they called, emotions?

And he had every right to be one.

I could go on all day about how fantastic he was and what a total shame it is that he died, but I’ll let his songs do that for me. Enjoy this playlist while you work and think of this ridiculously talented, mustachioed, God of Rock!

One Percent

9 Jul

Due to the people around me, my face is close to permanently looking like this.

So…I don’t get offended very easily, but I suppose I’m due every couple of years. I received Harry’s wedding invitation in the mail the other day. It was not a surprise to me; I knew he was engaged. When he told me about the impending nuptials he said, “You can bring a date, if you can find somebody.”

Ha, ha, ha, I get it. It’s fun to rib me about the difficulty I have in the dating world and all the horrible dates that I do manage to go on. It’s even more hilarious because it makes no sense why it’s hard for me,  especially since I’m not a dumb, small breasted, troll.  Harry doesn’t understand how I’m single, nor does anyone else.

My Grandma, a former model who’s been married a few times and never had any problems dating, is convinced the reason I don’t get asked out is because all the men in LA are gay…out of the closet or not, all of them. My Mom, perfection in human form (just ask her), has never had to ask a guy out, or been rejected and certainly not dumped. Therefore, she’s unable to dole out advice to the Marty Feldman-esque  freak show she produced. When I talk to her about dating, she looks at me like a dog hearing something confusing.

Clearly, Harry knows I’ll show up to this thing SOLO. And I particularly enjoyed his ever so slow, twisting of the knife when I opened the invite.  He took it upon himself to fill it out for me, stating TWO people would be coming.

Is he taking some sick joy in me having to X out the TWO that he so carefully took the time to write in, just so I have to replace it with a sad little ONE? It’s not like I want to go alone but he’s not trying to help me out either. He straight up told me he’s not even inviting any attractive guys. Seriously?

99% of the time, I can go anywhere alone and really don’t mind being single (which is probably part of the problem) but this instance is the 1%. I also hate having a problem where I need someone else’s help. I’m not used to the damsel in distress role— it feels weird.

A few people told me to bring Roger, but you know what’s more sad than going to your best friend’s wedding alone? Going with your gay BFF. I might as well go in a Muumuu covered in Cheese It crumbs and bring my cat with me. Another option was to get the hot actor guy from my writing group to go with me and “act” like he’s my boyfriend. This guy is in the new Twilight movie. Let’s face it, he’s prettier than me.

Sure, nothing would give me more pleasure than showing up with somebody, just so I could tell Harry to “suck it.” (And I totally would, even on his wedding day.)  But, getting someone to “pretend” to be my date seems like it’s a horrible idea for a movie (because it was one, ‘The Wedding Date.’ It’s craptastic and you can catch it on TBS, probably right now.)

If I could fake it with some dude, I’d go big, so I could make it a legendary story. Prince Harry’s single and has been to a few weddings recently. But, he also likes the hooch and I don’t want to end up babysitting at the end of the night. Who else?  Well, of course, if there were a, smart, wise assed guy who would like to join a, how did his friends every so eloquently put it? Ah, yes, “young chick with big titties,” I would be beyond stoked. Especially if he had a sweet Brooklyn accent.

Hey, I heard that, you judgmental pessimist! Let the cold, bat cave I call my heart be positive for once. Dreams can come true…says the company I work for. Anyway, I’ve got three months to figure something out.

Girly Man

3 Jul

You girly man!

So…before I start, I want to say that I do like Nora Ephron movies. They’re fun, the dialogue is cute and they’re great when you’re really depressed (translation:lady times.) I’ve said before that my Dad used to repeatedly quote ‘When Harry Met Sally’ to ensure that I KNEW men and women can not be friends. Got it Dad, everyone wants to bone me…except they’re not.

That said, her movies really started all this overly emotional, girly man, bull crap in films that I HATE. Before her, guys in the movies never sat around, talking about their feelings. Sure, ‘When Harry Met Sally’ might have made me wish I could date a guy who’s my best friend, but if he’s just my best friend, he’s clearly lacking the balls to ask me out and I don’t need to date any more pussies. I’ve had it with talking about feelings, I’ve dated enough gay guys, thank you very much.

Think about it, Clark Gable never cried to one of his bros about some chick dumping him.

I’ll show you dumping. And no, I don’t want to talk about it.

Rock Hudson, who actually was a “sissy”, may chat away to a girl on the phone, but the only feelings discussed would be foreshadowing the major bone session he’s got in mind for later that evening.

Feelings? I’ll give you something to feel later tonight, Doris.

And, it was always believable that he would ravage the virginal, good girl, Doris Day. I don’t think Tom Hanks is capable of ravaging a hamburger, much less showing Meg Ryan who’s boss.

We’re talking…and that’s it.

The overly emotional guys Nora created morphed into sloppy losers of my generation. They can’t catch a girl based on their looks or quick wit, so they sit around and wait until one gets drunk enough to make some poor choices.

I’m supposed to want to date this?

Pre-Nora, Tony Curtis used his noggin and hatched a scheme to get into Natalie Wood’s panties. But, let’s face it, he really wouldn’t have to do much. All he’d have to do is wink at a girl to get her chonies on the ground. (And if you know anything about his real life, he was well aware that, and got crazy, stupid, amounts of ass from everyone.)

Natalie Wood, way hotter than Meg Ryan and Tony Curtis in his prime…beat it Tom Hanks, ya botherin’ me.

And what’s with all the sloppy dressing? For hundreds of years men have managed to dress themselves in a presentable manner, until now. Wearing a suit takes less thought than jeans and a t-shirt AND girls like it better. Being well dressed doesn’t make you gay, but it seems like they’re the only ones who know how to take care of business anymore.

Ironing is for guys who want to get laid. I’d rather cry about my feeling and wipe my tears on my cat’s tail.

‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ is the only modern example of why a man dressing well is a very important factor in getting the ladies. But a half-dozen movies about cry baby slobs came out and erased the public’s memory of this ONE example.

Ryan Gosling: The wrapper is just as good as the filling.

Thank you for your fun movies, Nora, but can men go back to being men now?

Tough Crowd

13 Jun

If Mona Lisa would have had this pizza, her smile would’ve been more impressive.

So…it was still raining on day three of our trip but I didn’t care. I was in a great mood because we were going to the Comedy Cellar later that day. We started the day in Soho for an afternoon of shopping. There were some small boutiques but I could find most of the shops out here in California. Kim was very excited about the Dash store, I was not impressed. The store was built by women who are known for their large asses. There is no way I could even fit my left leg into the dresses there, so I don’t know how those big booty hoes do it! The store wasn’t stocked very well and it looked like they were still moving in…but they’ve been at that location for a while.

Cell phone dressing room photos: how I shop with Roger two time zones away.

Although Johnny did MAJOR damage at Bloomingdale’s, I ended up buying a few dresses there myself.  I could have bought that dress above in all 4 colors, but I don’t want a closet full of the same dress, like an even more pale version of Wilma Flintstone. I ended up getting the green one and Johnny said I looked “very Irish”…he regretted that statement as soon as it left his lips! Never tell a Scottish girl she looks Irish. (Even though I’m painfully pale and look fabulous in green…you just don’t say that.)

Lombardi’s pizza, just another stop on our Fat Ass Tour.

Thank God we ate AFTER we went shopping, that really is a better order to do things. Lombardi’s is the first pizza joint in New York and has been around for over a hundred years. Even though Kim and I work at a pizza place, we were still stoked to have some pizza that’s actually good.

Coal oven at Lombardi’s, made the traditional Italian way, by Hispanics.

Right after we got there, the place got PACKED! All kinds of people came in, including a large group of Asians who were dressed like they were going to the clubs. A tight mini dress is not what I want to eat pizza in. Dress for comfort chick, come on!

I had made reservations to see the 8PM show at the Comedy Cellar, so Kim and I hopped in a cab and headed over. As we pulled up Kim nonchalantly said, “This is where the killings happen.” I knew what she was talking about, ‘Law and Order.’ “Not true, ” I retorted, “how about Central Park?” In addition to hitting a bunch of tourist locations, we made it to the top two killing spots from our favorite show. Success!

Kim and Me (not looking Irish!) at the Comedy Cellar.

I guess I can equate the  Cellar to a comedy church. There is tons of stained glass upstairs and since you are going down into the cellar to see the show, you have to bow down, out of respect, to get to your seat. They asked if we wanted to be in the front row, Kim did NOT because she was afraid of getting heckled…even though I told her I could handle it for her. We sat in the second row…about 1 centimeter behind the first. The Cellar is smaller than my section at work, but they CRAM about a hundred people in there every night.

Ardie and myself after the show.

The MC was a very funny comedian, Ardie Fuqua. I have NEVER seen someone with that amount of energy who was able to maintain it all night. He was a riot and did get the crowd involved, exactly what Kim was afraid of. There was a large group of British guys in front of us and he asked them if they had talked to the pretty girls behind them. Before they could answer, I blurted out, “No they did not!” Oh snap, it was on. Ardie tried to see if I was interested, nope. I don’t date losers. (We stomped the English.Yeah, maybe  it was 200+ years ago, never forget.)  This back and forth went on during the change of comedians to the stage.

I was jazzed to see Colin Quinn again. Kim hadn’t seen him before and I told her his stuff  was similar to the kooky topics I talk about. I don’t know who was more surprised by the material covered in his set, Kim or myself. It was so tailor-made to my tastes that if he would have started talking about Teddy Roosevelt I would have passed out. My favorite bit was when he described the kind of killer he would be on ‘Law and Order.’  I can still see it in my head, perfection!

After Colin, we got to see Darrell Hammond. He did all the Clinton, Rumsfeld, Trump impressions that he’s known for. He was funny, but I enjoyed Colin’s set more. It seemed more thought out and it was just…funnier.

We headed upstairs after the show because I knew that the comedians hang out afterwards. Plus, I wanted to have an actual chat with CQ. When I met Colin the first time I was with my parents and was barely able to get a word in because they were like a couple of loud, tittering  bobby soxers meeting Sinatra. (Yes, for those of you that know me, I am a loud, pushy person. I am that way because I am the product of two even louder and pusher people. I didn’t stand a chance in Visalia.)

On our way up Ardie stopped me and asked if I was interested in the British guys from the show. I told him I was actually trying to meet Colin. With that, he SPRINTED  into the Olive Tree Cafe upstairs and yelled out, “Where’s Colin? Get him out here!”  Well he wasn’t there. He went to a cocktail party at Tom Papa’s…damn it!

Kim, Keith Robinson, Me and Dan Soder being a total goober.

Ardie, my personal match maker, started texting Colin to get back down to the Cellar. Kim and I watched the King’s game at the bar and I noticed that Keith Robinson, who I’m a fan of and know from ‘Tough Crowd’, came in. He invited me to come sit in the booth with him and of course I did. Kim, who didn’t know any of these comedians was thinking, “Bitch, what the hell do you think you’re doing ?!” It didn’t take long for Keith to call Colin and tell him about “this young chick with big titties”  (he wasn’t off on the description) who wanted to chat with him. I started to feel like I was in some 1960’s farcical comedy where everyone is trying to help but end up making the situation worse and more ridiculous. All my story was missing was Mickey Rooney running around playing a Chinaman!

Wil, Me and Kim.

While all this was going down I was sitting next to another comedian, Wil Sylvince. He quietly told me that, unfortunately for me, Colin probably thought these guys were punking him because they do it all the time. That would be my luck!

Wil showed me a video he was in. Although I’m not a boxing fan, I thought it was really good.

At about 2AM, we went to go get Yankee tickets from a bartender Johnny knew. When we got there, Queen was blasting through the speakers and long story short, we got back at 4:30AM all because of Freddie Mercury.

Me and Dave, the Irish barkeep, rocking out to Queen.

TCM Film Festival 2012 Day 4: Diamonds and The Derby

27 Apr

So…no one was stoked that the festival had come to an end. Barely anyone was at breakfast that morning and those who were looked a tired mess. Alan and I went to the 9AM showing of ‘To Catch A Thief.’ Ben Mankiewicz introduced it and told the crowd that when he first started at TCM it was in his contract to have a goatee. If he shaved it off he would be in breach of contract. Apparently, that got cut from his current deal and thank God because he looks great without it.

Not much was said about the movie. The only thing I’d be interested in hearing about would be the affair Grace was said have had with Cary (for SIX YEARS) while she was a princess. Let’s face it, Grace Kelly was a total slut. Mel Brooks quoted Alfred Hitchcock ‘s thoughts on his leading lady, “Grace Kelly was the most promiscuous woman I have ever met.” There’s got to be some good gossip the people at TCM know that should be spread on this topic!

Sweet chola eyebrows you got there.

Alan and I went to our last picture of the festival, ‘Call Her Savage.’ It’s a Pre-Code movie, which meant risque topics, no bras…at all (which the fat dude behind me was quick to point out every hard nipple, sick ass) and full term pregnancies that lasted for one month. Before the show a woman from MoMA came to speak about Clara Bow. She prefaced her speech by saying she’d give us juicy details about Clara. Her spiel was about as juicy as beef jerky. Clara Bow was the very first “IT girl.” She was also off her nut, crazy. Her mother tried to kill Clara while she was sleeping, which lead to life long insomnia problems. Clara was also diagnosed with schizophrenia and became a rancher.

That, my good lady, is juicy.

I found the entire movie online, above, and it was one weird frickin’ movie. It was an early talkie so the story doesn’t really have a format like movies today. It’s basically the story of a love child, half Indian (savage), half white girl and her frustration about being so wild. Watch it if you want, it’s kooky.

Since the weather was great…finally— on the last day, Alan and I sat out by the pool. Roger joined us and we watched everyone frolic in the water. Ok, we sat there and judged the crazy looking people at the pool. Tatted up chicks, big hairy guys with pony tails and plate sized nipples. Total fashion plates. Not that I’m one to talk, check this out:

Painfully Pale.

My legs glow. We took a few photos to make sure it wasn’t the camera, but my legs see the light of day almost never and because of this, they are blinding. I did not get the nice, tan-able genes. I don’t belong in the sun and this is proof, thank you British DNA.

Paleface: Clearly, Roger enjoys the sun more frequently than myself.

After about an hour, I had to go inside. We went to a panel about the Brown Derby. I had recently blogged about it, so I was very eager to learn more. Apparently Louella Parson’s had her staff meetings there every week and wanted something low fat put on the menu. The grapefruit cake was born. Grapefruit isn’t fattening but the POUND of butter in the cake totally is. Apparently that cake is Tippi Hedren’s favorite. I don’t love grapefruit, so you can keep that cake Tippi. The day the ‘I Love Lucy’ episode at the Derby premiered, the stars of the show had a big bash at the restaurant. William Frawley, Fred Mertz, introduced Joe Dimaggio to Marilyn Monroe at the Derby as well.

Can you name all the stars' caricatures?

There was a Q&A session afterwards and one guy asked, “Do you know what happened to the Coconut Grove or Ciro’s?” I loudly said to Roger, “How about Google it, lazy ass.” Bitchy yes, but true. The man running the show didn’t really know. Afterwards, I went over to the guy and told him what happened to all the old Hollywood hot spots. He was upset (!!) that the man speaking wrote a book solely based on the Brown Derby and didn’t write a book about other locations. I told him, “Well, you could write one,” and his mother, whom he was traveling with, agreed.

I found Roger and Alan who had found the King of the Krazies. Holy crap. I walked up and this guy, Bob, was bobbing and weaving into my personal space. (And by personal space, I mean I could feel his breath on me.) He told us he had an eye transplant, died on the operating table and will live to see the second coming of Christ, he used to work for Bill Gates, he dug up his dead uncle to get the $8,000 he was buried with…you know, that old chestnut.

We broke away from the crazy train and Alan took me to an (early) birthday dinner at The Grill. He had steak, I had short ribs, it was great and bittersweet because the Festival was on it’s homestretch.

Robert Osborne and myself.

There was a end of road party at Club TCM as well as a line to see Robert Osborne. He wasn’t mingling at breakfasts in the mornings so I waited in line to see him. He told me the festival was a permanent thing now, I snapped a photo and as I got out of line, saw that it had turned into a good hour long cue. Thank God I got there early!

We also got to meet Randal Malone, never heard of him…that’s ok, he’s been in a lot of horror movies and Vincent Price helped craft his “look.”

This guy knows EVERYONE!

He knew/knows all the big stars of Hollywood past. I thought he was partly B.S.-ing me but he is totally legit. He even spoke at Ginger Roger’s funeral! He talked to us about Liza and Mickey Rooney, Luise Rainer and a bunch more. I could have listened to his stories all night but a body guard came and whisked him away.

Ben Mankiewicz

I chatted with Ben Mankiewicz for a while and told him he looks  much better without the goatee. He said the men in charge of the network were the ones who wanted it. I told him that it’s the young female viewers who aren’t close to death that the network should be worried about retaining/pleasing. Earlier that day I was buying some notepads at the little TCM shop in the lobby and Ben was trying to get the cashier’s attention from upstairs. He got it, as well as a nice eye full of my chest.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who talks with their hands.

Because of that he told me he’d seen me earlier that day. “Yep,” I said, “I know. I hope you enjoyed the view.” He knew what I meant and  he did.

Booze Lesson: Lemon Drops are made with VODKA not Tequila, dummy.

I also ordered a lemon drop and the weird little waiter brought me the only lemon drop ever made with tequila. Roger drank mine because I hate that kind of booze…yuck!

Zillah’s daughter introduced me to a mayor of a town in New Jersey. I can’t remember the name of the town but the mayor was super nice. I cruised the room with my favorite Club TCM host, Eric, and played the who’s gay, who’s not gay guessing game. We both have atrocious gaydar.

Zillah, Eric and I before getting booted out of the party at midnight.

After the Club closed at midnight we went to the pool and chatted near the heaters. I learned that Zillah used to sing with Mama Cass…who also stole her gloves, what a jerk.

We didn't start the fire.

After four days and 10 movies, it was sad to say goodbye to my TCM friends but it was a great festival. Next year, hopefully they’ll schedule it later in April for better weather and to coincide with my birthday!

TCM Film Festival 2012 Day 3: Dignity, Always Dignity

20 Apr

"You know what your problem is? You don't live, live, LIVE!"

So…I woke up on Saturday with a full knowledge that part of my day would be spent with Debbie Reynolds. That means, at least once this year, I woke up in a good mood. I met Alan at Club TCM for breakfast, during which there was a panel about ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.’ There goes my good mood!

Some day my coffee will come!

It was actually pretty interesting. The lady in charge of the Disney Archives was there. She not only talked about Snow White, but talked about 20,000 Leagues as well. The girls sitting in the booth with us were ALL about Disney. I could see one of them wanting to talk to me about it after they heard me answer something Alan had asked me about the the D23 Expo in Anaheim. My Bea Arthur look told her to think again.

The first movie we saw was ‘Auntie Mame’ at the Egyptian. I have always loved that movie, partly because Mame reminds me of my own Grandma. Very eccentric while being oddly lovable.  (My Mom thinks Grandma is more like Debbie Reynolds. Sorry Mom, “Life’s a banquet and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death,” sounds more like Grandma, right?) Todd Oldham spoke before hand about style. Set design and costumes are one of the most important parts of that film and both are gorgeous! Also, the woman in front of me had never seen the movie and was cracking up! I’m glad she enjoyed it and I didn’t give her a hard time about it, unlike the jerk I encountered at ‘Vertigo’ the previous day!

FUN FACT: Patrick Dennis, the man who wrote ‘Auntie Mame’ was married, had kids and was bisexual. He also was Ray Kroc’s (founder of McDonald’s) butler.

What do our "costumes" say about us as "characters?" Alan and I at a panel on costumes.

Instead of seeing Snow White or Thomas Crown Affair, we three went to a panel on costumes. The woman who designed the clothes in ‘Animal House’ and ‘Indiana Jones’ was speaking (and trying to sell a book.) She asked the crowd to look at their clothes and see what their look said about them. I looked down and thought, I’m a pretty put together person. Then, I looked around at the sea of Mom Jeans, sweatshirts tied around waists and the epic amount of frump that filled that room. A few days earlier I had a little tiff with a guy on Twitter. I freakin’ hate Twitter and the fact that I have to be on it to promote this blog chaps my ass. Anyway, this guy disagreed with me when I said there are very few youngsters at TCM…not that there’s anything wrong with that! He asked if I’d ever been to the Festival (all three years, douche bag) and said that he found it was full of really hip people.

Ok….sigh. Maybe this guy doesn’t want to face his own mortality because if he did he’d find that he’s no longer cool.  First of all, “hip people” never use the term “hip.” Second of all, I’m not wrong. Aside from a dozen people there, most patrons were not “hip.”

Roger making sure the brownie pie isn't poisoned.

We hit up The Grill for lunch, again. Just as good the second time around. I had ice cream for the first time in a year and it was freakin’ awesome! I HIGHLY suggest their brownie pie. After lunch, Roger went back for a nap and Alan and I went to see ‘Dr. No.’ I had never seen a James Bond movie on the big screen, so I went in with an open mind.

Bond Girls Maud Adams and Eunice Gayson with Ben Mankiewicz on Saturday at the 2012 TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood, California. 4/14/12 (Not my photo, it's by Mark Hill)

Two Bond girls were there. Eunice Gayson is so tini-tiny that she had to be helped up into the chair!  She commented that this film was the first time British ladies were “allowed” to be sexy. She played golf in a man’s dress shirt in the film…it’s a start I guess! She was defiantly more charming than Maud.  I liked the movie and wouldn’t be against watching more (older) Bond films. The sound was particularly good on this flick too, it probably helped that we sat next to the speakers!

We hustled over to Grauman’s for ‘Singing In The Rain.’ It was a full house in there. Debbie came out and looked AMAZING. I recorded the interview.

If you watch it you can hear me muttering about the assholes who were SO RUDE and came in and wandered around, trying to find seats, during her interview.

TCM: Next year, if people aren’t in their seats when the interview starts, tough tittie, you can go to it AFTER the interview is DONE.

I was pretty pissed.

That aside, Debbie could have talked for another hour because the audience (well, those who were sitting down!) were eating it up!

After the movie Gene Kelly’s widow, Patricia Ward Kelly, spoke. (And yes, more rude people got up and left during her time.) She apparently has 10 years worth of interviews from Gene and did back up Debbie’s comment about Gene having a hair piece. I was shocked because it’s looked really good for fake hair! She also said the Moses number (above) was, what Gene thought, his best tap number ever. It is pretty great.

Alan talked me into seeing ‘Marathon Man.’ I’d heard it was really scary and I’m a total wuss, but I trusted him. While we were waiting in line we met a woman born in 1928, she was pretty bad ass, and we also waited in line with Brett Ratner. He’s the d-bag who said bad things about gay people, then got fired from directing the Oscars last year…yea that guy, NOT hip, just in case you were wondering.

Before the movie Robert Evans spoke. He was a producer at Paramount in the 70’s  and responsible for movies like ‘Love Story,’ ‘ Chinatown,’ and ‘The Godfather.’ He also USED to be pretty hot. Used to is the key word.

Evans today: This is why I wear sunscreen.

His voice is ruined from decades of smoking, so he was hard to understand, but he sure does think a lot of himself. He did say that when the movie was made Lawrence Olivier had cancer and was broke. Because of this role, he was able to get jobs and lived for another 13 years.

Is it safe?

I LOVE Dustin Hoffman, but Lawrence Olivier MADE this movie. What a creepy bastard. During the  scene that I was afraid of,  Alan told me to cover my eyes and ears, but before I did, I saw a number of people trickle out because they couldn’t handle it either. Evans said when the movie was originally released people would RUN out of the theater during that scene.

I’m planning on going to New York this year and this movie didn’t help me think that city is very safe. Basically, some old Nazi could slit my throat in the middle of a crowd and no one would stop him. I’m dead meat.

The movie ended at about midnight and I went to bed with creepy thoughts of Lawrence Olivier cleaning my teeth! UGH!

TCM Film Festival 2012 Day 2: Destiny, Destiny, No Escaping That For Me

18 Apr

Igor: Could be worse.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?
Igor: Could be raining.

So…I had such a good time at the Vanity Fair Party the night before that I woke up on Friday the 13th with my third hangover ever. I regret nothing. I ended up missing ‘Wings’ and broke my curling iron. It could be worse, it could’ve be raining…ah yes, it actually poured that day! A proper Friday the 13th I’d say.

Mac & Cheese and a French Dip. Perfect for a rainy day.

I met Alan and Roger for lunch. We tried a place at Hollywood & Highland called The Grill and it soon became a favorite place to go. I had cheese for the first time in months and it was great! After lunch Roger tagged out and took a nap while Alan and I went to see ‘20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.’

Kirk Douglas was there to speak. I saw him last year for ‘Spartacus’ and really enjoyed hearing him talk about his career and experiences. He’s 94 and used a cane but he moved so fast that it looked like he was skiing! He was asked if he remembered the song he sang in the film, he more than remembered it, he SANG it right there and had it down verbatim! That movie was made 58 years ago and he still knew it. What a pro!

I had never seen the film and it was beautiful on the big screen. I also developed a crush on the bearded, turtleneck wearing, salt & pepper haired Captain Nemo, played by James Mason. Mason was great as Mr. Norman Maine in ‘A Star is Born’, but wasn’t a sophisticated stud like Nemo. And no, Mom, he was NOT gay. Mason was married twice and had two kids, but I’m sure that’s not good enough evidence that my gaydar is improving. Bah!

Vertigo or LSD trip?

As soon as the film finished, we hopped back in line for ‘Vertigo’ and there was a LINE for that sucker. Kim Novak was speaking before hand so all the older men were hot and bothered over it. I’ve never been a huge Kim Novak fan. She’s not an amazing actress, she was pretty, that’s about it to me, I’m sure I’d feel differently if I were a dude.

Hot ladies of the world: STOP GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY!

Robert Osborne asked who had NOT seen the movie, I raised my hand. A gay dude behind me bitchily said, “You’ve never seen Vertigo?” and gave me a dismissive hand gesture. I gave him a “you’re a prick” facial expression Bea Arthur would have been proud of. Robert said that it was one of the best movies ever made. I rarely disagree with him but I will on this one. I thought the pace was really slow, I didn’t like Jimmy Stewart as a love interest and the ending where Novak gets scared by a nun makes NO sense.One thing EVERYONE at the Festival agreed on was, what the crap happened to her face? I know not everyone can age like Debbie Reynolds but jamming collagen into your face is NOT the answer.

Not an empty seat in the house!

We hustled down to the Egyptian to see the movie I’d waited all day for, ‘Young Frankenstein’ with Mel Brooks!! There was a honkin’ line for that one too. I mean, come on, Frankenstein, Mel Brooks, Friday the 13th, I’d say it was…destiny. What do you think Gene?

I saw Mel speak before when he spoke at ‘The Producers’ during the first TCM Festival and he was a doll. (Mel was married to Anne Bancroft aka Mrs. Robinson. I recently dated a guy who didn’t know of the character, or even the song, Mrs. Robinson. That relationship was dead in the water after I found that out.) Mel is 85, looks great, has the same fantastic voice and is quick as a whip, hilarious! I was in the third row from the front, he only spoke for 10 minutes but I could have listened to him for days. Here’s part of his interview, it’s a little grainy, but you get the gist of it.

The whole crowd was totally into the movie and laughed their asses off even though everyone had probably seen it a million times before. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor and go watch it now!

When the movie ended it was almost midnight. I bought a new curling iron, then hit the sack.

TCM Film Festival 2012 Day 1: Divine Decadence,Darling!

17 Apr

Screening of Cabaret on Thursday at the 2012 TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood, California. 4/12/12

So…I’ve been looking forward to my first vacation in a year for a while now. Well, for almost a year actually! On Thursday I took Roger with me for my third TCM Film Festival. I had such a great time at the Roosevelt last year that we stayed there again. We got there early enough to lounge by the pool before I had to leave to get all fancied up before the big red carpet event later that night.

The sun came out for a hot second while we lounged by the pool.

Clearly, I don’t belong in the sun, nor do I spend any amount of time in it, so we headed inside after a few minutes. Club TCM was already poppin,’ we ran into Kevin, this was his third festival as well. He was planning on seeing 15-17 films at the Festival. Whoa!

The TCM photographer caught me telling Roger a story.

The famous Givenchy dress that Audrey Hepburn wore in ‘Sabrina’ was on display at the Club. I was very excited to see it because I’ve been in love with that dress since I was 12!  Audrey really was a stick, I couldn’t fit my leg into it!

THE dress.

I left Roger and went down to Studio DNA to get my hair and make up done. I bumped into a lady I met there from the festival last year, Jessica, who’s young son is a HUGE TCM fan. She’s always fun to chat with and I was happy to see her again. When I got back to the hotel, Roger and I went and got our TCM goodies before getting dressed. My bag weighed about 15 pounds and I was so excited to see what was in there.  Until I pulled out this cup…

I can't get away from Disney.

Alan, from last year, called and said he was in the lobby. I threw my dress on and Roger put on one of his gorgeous suits and we headed out! The lobby was packed with people drinking, eating and chatting before the movie. Alan happened to find Zillah, a super funny and feisty lady we met at last year’s Vanity Fair party. There was also a line to get your photo taken, but that seemed a little too Prom like, so we all passed on that treat.

Reunited: Alan, Zillah, and myself.

Alan, Roger and I all headed over to Grauman’s. As soon as we stepped onto the red carpet we heard the crowd roar. Now, I know I’m a fun chick but my ego is not so out of whack that I thought it was for me! So I turn to my left and saw that we were entering at the same time as Liza…with a Z!


Whatever anyone says about her looking bad is a load of crap! She looked fantastic! Because everyone spazzed out when she arrived, the security tried to push us down the carpet and into the theater. Yeah…no. I had to take pictures, last year I only got two on the carpet and I was determined to change that this year!

Holding a pose while security tried to get pushy. Tough luck, fellas!

Roger fits right in on the red carpet!

As we moved down the Yellow Brick Road and I spotted one of my favorite stars, Debbie Reynolds!

Me and the back of Debbie's fabulous head!

Sure my photo with her wasn’t as good as the one from last year, but beggars can’t be choosers! I did find a better one of us on the TCM website.

Where's Waldo? Debbie Reynolds on the red carpet on Thursday at the 2012 TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood, California. 4/12/12 (with Roger and I)

As you can see there were bleachers set up for the fans to watch the arrivals. It’s actually a really great idea if you want to see a bunch of stars all at once…and who doesn’t? In those seats I saw Kevin and his parents.

Kevin, in the back row, with his parents (on the left..the ones that look like him!)

I didn’t snap a photo of all the celebrities I saw there but some notables were Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy and Linda Grey. Apparently Dallas is a TV show again because God forbid Hollywood have any new ideas anymore.

Alan and I before heading in to get some popcorn.

In the lobby of Grauman’s were a bunch of gorgeous old costumes and Mickey Rooney, who was just hanging out. He’s 91 and looks pretty freakin’ good considering the fact that he’s out lived his costars by decades!

Liz Taylor's dress, designed by Edith Head, from ' Place in the Sun.'

Liz Taylor's jewelry from 'Cleopatra.'

We took a seat and ended up sitting one row behind Mickey Rooney, that was pretty cool. A woman with HUGE titties sat next to him…good for him. Robert Osborne talked to Liza, Joel Grey and Michael York. Liza is fantastic but that woman can not finish a sentence to save her life. Everything goes like this, ” How was Fosse?  He was, (makes a noise and shakes her whole body), you know!” WHAT? That is not an answer, but everything freaking LOVED it!!

The movie was great, I related to Sally Bowles and her HORRIBLE gaydar. Poor thing, I know how it goes. (Makes a noise and shakes my whole body.)

Now THIS is a party!

After the movie, the Spotlight passholders were funneled into buses and taken to the Vanity Fair Party on Sunset Blvd. We sat next to Bill Wellman Jr.’s wife. She was very nice and talked to us about the original ‘A Star is Born,’ ‘Wings’ and her famous father in law.

I am the second person in my family to go to a party for Liza Minnelli. My Grandma went to a party thrown for Liza’s first birthday. Apparently she was given a doll that she didn’t like and tossed it on the ground. Her manners have improved!

Inside the Vanity Fair Party.

Roger wasn’t with us for this one so, after getting a drink, Alan and I sat out in the courtyard near a fire and ended up seeing Patrick Duffy & Eva Marie Saint. We moved inside when it started to rain, it does that sometimes in LA, and listened to the  great band playing over the bar. Typical of Hollywood parties, the booze was flowing, the food was almost nonexistent! We stayed until they told us to leave, a little after midnight. The buses dropped us back at the Roosevelt, we had some fries at 25 Degrees and I made it back to the room at about 3AM-ish because I had to get up for breakfast at 8AM. Roger was already passed out. A sign of a successful first day!